VOLUME NINE
Arsenic & Illusions
This piece is written to be read aloud, although even the artist hasn't quite managed to do that just yet.
I'm sorry
I didn't mean to
I just
I wanted you to know
I won't do it again
Fuck
Kelly that's not what he meant
He said things like you say things and like everyone says things
He just meant
After a few days you weren't okay
And you weren’t
But I was annoying
God I don't want to be annoying
I was so sad and lost and I was trying to send a positive message rather than just being sad and needy and I fucked it up anyway
And I didn't text the other nights because I was trying to not be that person
I was trying to deal on my own
I'm so tired
I hate the nightmares and most of all I hate the ones I can't understand
I'm being annoying
I need to stop saying I missed you because it's needy and pathetic and I've already went too far
The book
God what was I thinking
Kelly
Breathe
He's here because he wants to be
He's here because you're easy
Stop it
Sleeping with someone because you want to sleep with them does not make you easy
That's what sex is
Fuck
I don't even know what to say
Because being honest is being annoying
Because lying is the opposite of what I ever want to do with you and you know anyway
I used to be better at lying about this
Or maybe I've just never been around someone that wanted to know the truth before
Have I always been this easy to read
Fuck
Easy
Slut
For fucks sake Kelly that is not why he's here nor is it the food or the double bed or being closer to work
One of the things you love about him is the fact he says what he wants and he says he wants you
He is honest and you trust him
But not as much as you trust the darkness
Because what else was there to trust
You didn't freak out over dinner
That's really good
I mean you did but like very very mildly
That's really good
What do I even say
That I just want to be held
That I just want to be interesting enough
That I don't care how long you play Skyrim as long as there is time between you stopping that and falling asleep for us
I spent my childhood falling asleep to people wishing I wasn't there and finding better things to do and all I wanted was to be the last thing
The end of the day
Not the chore